The Way It's Supposed to Be

Hello, my dear readers!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday this past Thursday and are still basking in the glory of leftovers, loved ones, and a glut of sleep (for a change!).  I had the privilege of spending my holiday with a dear friend, and we decided to get our celebration started a day early by doing ceremonial day-before-Thanksgiving grocery shopping (which is quite the people-watching opportunity), followed by a viewing of the new Muppet Movie (which I unabashedly adored -- truly, I felt like someone had just defibrillated my childhood....if you're afraid you'll be disappointed, cast your worries aside and go see it!).  All was well, and we decided to go get a bite to eat afterward at a favorite sushi restaurant, and shortly thereafter, disaster struck.  Food poisoning, but only affecting me (which was lucky, as it turns out).  'Nuff said.

Several hours into the unpleasantness of all that, I was reminded of a mantra I learned earlier this fall and have used periodically:

"Oh.  So that's the way it's supposed to be."

Those of you who know me also know this kind of sentiment does not come naturally to me.  Diagnosing and correcting problems is a choral conductor and teacher and administrative assistant's bread-and-butter, and just letting things be is not usually a part of that recipe.  I find it especially strange that this thought came to me in a moment when there were some very clear things I would have preferred to change about my state of affairs.  It helped....not physically, but it helped my little mind, which was oh-so-upset about the dinner preparations I wasn't doing, the inconvenience I was creating, the church service the next morning I was afraid I couldn't sing, etc., etc., etc.  Maybe it was because I was too exhausted to fight it anymore, and my habitual pattern of "preventative worry" (because that always works, right?) was just plain unsustainable.

In any case, I had a somewhat extraordinary experience the next morning at the church service to which I did manage to drag myself.  The choir sang two pieces, and normally those particular pieces require a fair amount of mental energy for me to stay focused and accurate throughout, and to my surprise, I found them considerably easier to sing when my brain wasn't working quite as well as usual.  Isn't that strange?  It was as if there were no distractions, just the task at hand, and I could do it without a problem.  Again, this leads me to believe that the "preventative worry" gears in my head that always seem to be turning are a manifestation of energy that could be more effectively spent elsewhere.

With the oral follow-up to the written exams of a month or so ago happening on Monday, the worry gears are definitely grinding away again, but I'm trying to be patient with them, and patient with me as I get ready to cross this turnstile into the last phase of the degree.  I am grateful that I had these glimmers of realization, even through the lens of something so very undesirable.  Sometimes, it's important to be reminded that "the way it's supposed to be" exists in advance only in our imaginations, and when we form an attachment to that image, regardless of how nice it might be, we are setting ourselves up in a bad way.  "The way it's supposed to be" in advance of "the way it is" is a trap.  So:

All Levels


As we enter a very busy and crazy-making part of the year, when many of us feel obligated to make magic for other people and spend so much time planning towards an image of "the way it's supposed to be," I challenge you (and myself!) to stop anytime it occurs to you, take a breath, and remind yourself in that moment:

"Oh.  So that's the way it's supposed to be."

No matter what it is.

Courage!